Psst, over here. Yeah, YOU — listen up. You know how Mitch Michaels went A.W.O.L after the Nationals last year? Well, here’s why.
“I guess after winning that race last year, I had nothing to prove. I like a challenge, so when I’m DESTROYING the competition by nearly three tenths of a second, why bother? Want to know a real challenge? Stamping out world hunger — that’s a challenge.”
“That’s why I spent the last year in the desert RESEARCHING alternative farming methods. I used to think racing was the ultimate high, but nothing compares with the adrenaline rush I get after sowing a patch of QUINOA in the harsh, dry earth. Alright, you managed to persuade me to bust out a berzerkomatically-stretched no-footed endo for this feature, but I only did that to spread this urgent message — ANYONE READING THIS, PLAN YOUR MEALS, DON’T WASTE FOOD.”