The Conker

Collector

How long have you been collecting conkers for?
Since last week.

How did you start?
I spotted one in the grass and thought it looked quite good, so I picked it up and put it in my pocket. Since then I’ve collected six. I know someone down the street who says he’s got nearly twenty — but I think he’s lying because my mate says he saw him picking up pebbles from outside the house across the road so that he could paint them up with brown Airfix paint.

What’s your favourite piece in your collection?
Tough question. The answer changes all the time, but at this moment in time I’m going to have to say the brown one.

Where did you get them from?
I got most of them from the park. I picked loads up from the side of the road too, but they went all mouldy ‘cause I left them in a plastic bag so I had to throw them out.

Where do you think man’s need to collect comes from?
I’m not sure really. All I know is that it’s better to have six conkers sitting in a shoebox than none at all. What else do you collect? Fir cones... sea shells... interesting rocks... I once tried to collect snowflakes but that didn’t last for long.

When will you stop?
I already have. I’d planned a big day out yesterday collecting as many conkers as I could fit in my bag, but when I got to the park they’d all turned to mulch and there was none left in the trees. I came home empty handed — conkerless. I’ve got a lot of respect for the committed conker collectors who keep on bravely through the winter, but I just can’t deal with the disappointment. At least I’ve got the memories (and a few conkers).